Be able to speak is a gift from God. Each day of my life I have to repeat myself because people could not understand me. That is life. When I was about 7 or 8 I went to it and I hated it. I trying to say a word and the therapist told me that I was saying it wrong. I felt like telling him to clean his ears because I thought I was saying it right.
One of my brothers bought a tape recorder and he recorded my voice. I couldn’t understand myself. I was sounding like some other kids in the Glenrose. I knew I had a speech problem but not that bad. I thought it was how others understood me, so I worked little harder in speech therapy but it still suck.
I remember when I was turning 6. I was staying in the Glenrose on station 201. Mom and my brother came down for my birthday. The nurses had a little cake with 1 candle for me. I was upset that I had own 1 candle not 6. No one could understand me. After a while Mom understood me and she explain that the nurse own had one candle.
As I grow older I learned how to be patient, and how to be patient with myself and others. With myself, I couldn’t be mad at myself because I couldn’t say the word I was trying to say. I couldn’t be upset at others because they couldn’t understand me.
When I was about 7 a lady who looked after me always hit me when she couldn’t understand me and called me a liar. For 40 years if a person couldn’t understand or miss understood me I felt like I was a liar until I was in counselling. He didn’t understand why I felt like this until I gave him a part of a book I was writing. As we talked about my feeling I felt like something was lifted off my shoulder.
I remember when I was in school, I was talking to a teacher and she could not understand me, so she asked my friend what I was saying. My friend told her something else to bug me. So I would say no, no, no and I repeated myself. I looked at my friend and I could tell that he knew what I was saying. After a while my friend told her what I was trying to say.
Sometimes I went to a get together at the church after mass. One night I went and I sat there by myself. Yes people came to say hi and asked how I was. That was it. I tried to talk with them but they could not understand me. So I went home.
Slowly I stopped to go out except I went them if a friend picked me up. I still went to mass during the evening. I know that God could understand me. I don’t have to repeat myself.
When I was younger, people would say to me, “You are not trying to speak clearly. Everyone would have a bad day. When I am having a bad day I could not speak clearly. I wrote a poem.
The Pain of Speaking
I cannot speak too clearly.
Each time I open my mouth
The sound comes out wrong.
Each time I say something,
I have to repeat myself.
Sometimes, people can’t understand me.
I can't get mad at them,
It is not their fault.
I can't get angry at me,
It is not my fault.
I have to always keep cool,
Or I would look like a jackass.
I can't yell,
Or I would look like a fool.
I do not want to talk to people
I do not know,
Because they will not understand me.
Why should I take the time?
Do you know how to speak to someone?
who cannot understand you?
Do you know how it feels
when someone says, "I understand you,"
but has no clue
what you were talking about?
Do you know what it is like
when someone says,
"You are not trying to speak clearly?"
Why should l take the time
to talk with them?
But if I don't take the time,
I wouldn't meet new friends.
I would be alone.
Being able to speak clearly
is one of the great gifts from God.
I had 2 communications devices. I called them talk boxes. I was in college I had a talk box called a touch Talker. It was the best one I had. I when to Glenrose for a assessment. My counsellor helped me to get it. The Touch Talker was about $7000.00. My counsellor found out I could rent to own it for about $300 per month. She talked to my social worker to pay for the rent. The government agreed to pay the rent but not pay for it totally. At the end Easter Seal gave me about $2000.00 to pay it off.
I carried it around every were I went. I used it at college but if my aide was with me I use her to speak because it was faster. I could program what I want to say. If I press two buttons it would say my name is Charles Breunig. Learning to program took a lot of work. A speech therapist from the hospital helped me out.
I gave talks with it. It was a lot of work to program the talk in. After years of carry around it quit. I tried to fix it but it cost too much. That one was the best one I had.
I looked into a new one but it was around $12000.00. I had another one called Link Plus. It was a good one. I took it every were I went. It was about $2000.00 and Children Ability Funds paid for it. I could program what I wanted to say also. I never did talks. I took it along when I was driving or to meetings. The zip on case always break so I bought a lap top case. It works as good like the other case. It was bigger the other case, but I did the trick. When I open the case it took the half of the table or I put on my lap.
Now I starting to use an Ipad, but I need a key guard. I can still program what I want to say.
After the Touch Talker was broken I still did talks. I typed the talk on my computer and record it on a tape recorder. It worked pretty good. Someone played it on a tape recorder. The first talk I did like this it took a few time until the talk was good. The first talk went too fast or the computer software said few words wrong.
Having a talk box it was hard to carry any a person needed a table to use it. You have to be a good speller. I was not. But a talk box very helpful.
Now I talk with my voice but sometime no one could not understand me or I needed to repeat myself. The next time you talk with someone stop for second and thank God because you could speak clearly.
God Bless
Charrles J. Breunig
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